im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
