today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
