At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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