i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
