i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm really busy with my period
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