I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
