dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
