your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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