Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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