omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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