my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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