yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
