Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
