..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
