Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
