fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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