there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
