I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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