I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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