I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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