im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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