Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
