He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
