If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
