Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
