So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
