I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
