the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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