They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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