if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
