i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
