My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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