I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
