doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
