...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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