Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
