u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
