Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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