I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
