why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
