i think my tv is drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
