i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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