Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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