Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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