I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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