dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
