How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
