It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
