he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
