as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
