you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
