okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
