just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize