Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
