I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
