i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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