Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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