Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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