If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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