Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
