please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
