FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
