his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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