How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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