he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Randomize
