You just made me feel so damn special
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
