when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
