People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
