The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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